Losing Life

I love, I lose, I live, I hurt, I cry, I do everything a normal person may do, but the one thing I want people not to see about me... Is of how I am trying to lose my life. I can't deal with having people walk away. It becomes hard to continue with the days. I need special people in my life. The ones I love, always and forever will need. But when I tell people these things of my emotions of losing and loving all people can say is.... so what do you want me to do about it? NO!! Thats not what I'm saying! Understand me. I never asked you for help or your sarcasm, but what I do need is for you to stop being an ass and hold me, support me, make me feel loved for as those who walked out I can't love anymore. But thee one telling all emotions running through thy's mind needs to love one and one needs to love thy. For I now state I can no longer live life without ones I love. Because of those days since I lost those special people I hurt. So now I try over and over to lose my life. I have secret scars on my wrist showing how I let the blood flow when I'm a mix of emotions. The stress takes over my body, I begin to give into the blade on my table. I grab the sharp object, head for the bathroom, let the water run, get it soak my body in hot pooling water, and then I do it. The blood flows, as the stress, anger, tears, and pain flow out into the water. The clear water becomes a pool of blood surrounding me. I slide under and stay. When I retrieve myself for under the world, I let it go, clean up and continue on with the day........ as if nothing happened.

The Real Me

I wanna be unknown. Left alone. I'm one who takes a shot to drink the pain away. The one who slit her wrist and sometimes still does just so the pain, the hate and every other damn thing can flow out her body like the blood she releases. I'm the girl that undiscovered, undecided. I'm the girl that all the out cast want to hang with because I'm open. I'm the girl that ALL the people want to be with. I'm the girl who had the guy she like beat her to shreds with his words and fits. I'm the girl who stared at her self in disgusts because she thinks shes ugly. I'm the girl that everyone thinks is pretty and cool. I'm the girl who wants to change for the better. I'm the girl with the life story that in the end you would die of a broken heart for. I'm the girl who can kill a cold hearted person with a cause of a broken heart. I'm the girl that almost committed suicide but was found and saved. I'm the girl who wishes she were dead. I'm the girl who starved herself to be thin. I'm the girl that all the boys wanted but she didn't understand why. I'm the girl with the family that doesn't love her. I'm the girl who can be a total bitch when needed. I'm the girl that wants to be who she really is and not some fake, plastic person. I'm the girl who will fight for what she loves. I'm the girl who needs to be loved but left unknown.