My Declaration of Non-Interest

It doesn't interest me what you do for a living. I want to know if you have the ability to reach for success, and never less, and to be outstanding at everything you do.

I have no interest in knowing where you originally came from. But if you could stick to whom you originally are, and not reconstruct any aspect of yourself to please everyone else around you.

It doesn't matter to me what age you claim to be, or truly are. What interests me is to know if you would allow yourself to look a fool for love. If you would permit yourself to go crazy and execute your dreams. I want to know if you would go to outstanding extents to achieve the full thrill and adventure of life.

It doesn't interest me how much money you make or where you happen to live. I want to know if you could stay up all alone on a Saturday night with horrendous visions as you reminisce over random thoughts racing through your mind. If you could wake up after a restless night of nightmares, with a hollow feeling, a feeling of being alienated along with suicidal thoughts, broken all over and still manage to accomplish what needs to be done for yourself and your family. 

It doesn't interest me if you can swim across the whole ocean. I want to know if you have the ability to remain still with pain and misery (of your own, mine or others) without masking it, attempting to fix it, or fabricating the effect it has on you. I want to know if you can let loose, be carefree and be one with the world... Letting the ecstasy take over your entire body, covering your eye sight with hallucinations, not caring about what happens, not thinking what is realistic or isn't, or letting the limitations of being human terminate you from achieving the one goal every human wishes to accomplish... Pure happiness.

It doesn't interest me how you came to be in this world nor whom you associate with. I want to know if you will stand in the line of fire with me, and not plummet to the ground with fear.

It doesn't interest me what you have studied or what carriers you pursued. I want to understand what your reason for living is. What is the single thing that fills your emptiness with joy, and replaces your depression with excitement?

It doesn't interest me if the stories you speak of are factual or just a myth. I want to know if you could commit a crime and still live in peace with yourself, or would you break apart with every thought of it. I want to know if you can handle betrayal and criticism but yet not betray your spirit, pride, dignity or soul. I want to know if you can deceive someone else... To be true to yourself. I want to know if you can be reliable, loyal and blunt. I want to know if you can see the good in the bad, the pretty in the beastly, the magic in the un-magical. 

It doesn't interest me how many friends you have. I want to know if you can take being alone all hours of day and of night. What keeps you from weakening, from having you collapse to your knees on the floor at the end of each day? I want to know if you have the willpower to live the rest of your life unaccompanied, isolated, and not be driven insane. I want to know if you have the energy to fight the urge on thinking about giving up, and then have the energy to actually not give up.

It doesn't interest me what new technology is out there in your world. I want to know if you have reached the center of your sorrow, if you have been blinded by the beautiful lies of life, or if you have shriveled and distanced off due to the harsh facts about death. 

Help Me Remember

It hurts to see that I love you, but we can never be. Your from one world I'm from another. I would come to you with any problem, and you would be there for me. You  would come to me for whatever reason, and I'd let you cry on my shoulder. I know you need me, and you know I need you. I can't get over how close we were, and how far we've separated, theres this huge gap between us and no matter how hard we try we can't seal it off or at least bring it back together. You left right when the sun rose, we didn't even have a chance to talk about it. I just want to remember how we were before and how much I loved you, and how close we were! Just for one night can't we be the same as we had been back then? Help me remember use before. Help me remember it all. I want those days that we were still a couple yet best friends. I miss you, on those days we had our moments and nothing else mattered. Help me remember it all. The true us, the real life, before we split, when I was loving you and when you were loving me. Help Me Remember...

My Get Away.

I open the door to my secret get away,
Peer in and grin.
Shut the door in a hushed manner, tip toe back to the living room.
Grab a glass, a coke bottle, an ice tray, and a bottle of rum.
With my gear in hand, I head back to my second life.
Thinking of the peace, I take a front row seat, and mix a drink.
Shut my eyes, to see the life I wish I had. Tilt my head back, to shake the bad life out, and take a sip.
Inhale the manner of my great life, and exhale the manner of the life I wish I never had.
Sitting there hoping I could share this moment with someone I care for.
Yet this moment is best celebrated alone.
I understand the meaning of having a life,
And the meaning of having a life everyone one wishes they had.
Yet in this situation, I want to make my own life,
Make my own luck,
Make my own dreams,
Make my own wishes,
Make my own moments.
I want.... to be my own person. I down the rest of my drink,
to the very end, till there is no coke, no ice, no rum left.
I smile, and know that I still have a life ahead of me...
I can  make a difference, if not in my life,
Then in one others life.
I'm brought back to reality, then begin on making my dream.

You Want...

You want me in your life and you want me to love you. But right now I'm sick of playing your games! I loved you and you knew that and you know that I still love you no matter what happens, you will always hold a special place in my heart and you can't be replaced. Yet you used how I felt about you, and took that and used it against me. You split my heart in two. But now that I think back on it maybe it's not so bad that you did that, because I just saved myself so much more of a heartbreak, even though I wish I was with you right now... in your arms, with your lips on mine, your hands around my waist, my chest against your chest. The funny thing is, even though we're over, every now and then you run back to me and the cycle repeats... and since we're over the pain is just a bit more fun because now we don't fell guilty with our pleasure. Always and Forever, our pleasure will remain between us too.

Losing Life

I love, I lose, I live, I hurt, I cry, I do everything a normal person may do, but the one thing I want people not to see about me... Is of how I am trying to lose my life. I can't deal with having people walk away. It becomes hard to continue with the days. I need special people in my life. The ones I love, always and forever will need. But when I tell people these things of my emotions of losing and loving all people can say is.... so what do you want me to do about it? NO!! Thats not what I'm saying! Understand me. I never asked you for help or your sarcasm, but what I do need is for you to stop being an ass and hold me, support me, make me feel loved for as those who walked out I can't love anymore. But thee one telling all emotions running through thy's mind needs to love one and one needs to love thy. For I now state I can no longer live life without ones I love. Because of those days since I lost those special people I hurt. So now I try over and over to lose my life. I have secret scars on my wrist showing how I let the blood flow when I'm a mix of emotions. The stress takes over my body, I begin to give into the blade on my table. I grab the sharp object, head for the bathroom, let the water run, get it soak my body in hot pooling water, and then I do it. The blood flows, as the stress, anger, tears, and pain flow out into the water. The clear water becomes a pool of blood surrounding me. I slide under and stay. When I retrieve myself for under the world, I let it go, clean up and continue on with the day........ as if nothing happened.